The Beginning of My Purpose Begins Here
It’s the year 2000 and I am 28 years old. The phone rings. I answer. ” Hi Dad. How are you? Jonna, he says, I am not good. I feel like Gremlins are eating me from the inside out. I can’t take it any longer. I am calling to say I love you & goodbye.” Then he hangs up the phone! He was going to take his life. I was in Laguna Niguel, California and he was in Edmonton, Canada. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do. I remember I could barely breathe. I immediately called my Aunt who I knew was the only one that could help me. He had just broken up with his long time girlfriend and he was an Alcoholic. He had Cirrhosis of the Liver and was not fond of doctors or hospital. To my relief, my Aunt found him at one of his local hangouts. She scooped him up and took him to her house. She gave him a place to sleep and I felt so relieved. He was safe.
He called me the next day and told me he wanted to quit drinking so badly. He quit for two weeks while he was at my Aunts. We talked almost every day. He was embarrassed and lost and in a great deal of pain. I was working on getting him to come and live with me. I was all he had left.
Two weeks later, I got the call. I was at my sister in-laws for her Wedding in Sacramento. I had decided to go and do some work while I was in town. My husband called me on my cell phone and told me to come back to the house. We needed to talk. As I drove back to the house, I can’t really tell you what I was thinking. I believe I already knew but it is a very foggy memory. When I got back to the house my husband looked at me and then I really knew. He said, I am sorry. Your dad took his life. My worst nightmare had just come true. I remember feeling so bad that I was crying because everyone around me was there for a wedding. I felt as though I was ruining the special memories that were supposed to take place. I immediately went into the back room and I just sobbed. I am his only daughter. I not only had just lost my dad, it was up to me to get this mess cleaned up.
I can’t remember honestly if I flew from Sacramento or Orange County, but I was there within a day or two. When I arrived I was NUMB. I had no idea that it was about to get worse. My dad hanged himself in my Aunts basement. She found him. He left her a note. It read in terrible, shaky, barely legible writing “I’m Downstairs.” I felt so bad that my Aunt had to go through that. This just added to my guilt.
When I arrived it was important to me to get his truck and I had to arrange a funeral. My Uncle met with me and we went to the Police Station to get my dad’s belongings. They handed me a ring and his watch and his wallet. I remember looking at the police officer and he had no emotion. He didn’t have any desire to console me and I felt like I was a number. I remember holding those things tightly in my hands, as it was all I had left of my daddy.
The next day I tried to contact his ex-girlfriend. She refused to speak to me. She even contacted the manager of the building and told her I was not allowed in. I was in shock. How could someone be so cruel? I had to hide his vehicle because she had an extra key and she was trying to steal it from our driveway. It was so BIZARRE. She had a separate funeral for him and didn’t tell me or his whole family about it. I found out the day of the funeral I gave him. It was just odd.
I remember saying at the funeral this. “I don’t know why it is that we have to go through things of this nature, but I do know that because of this I will be stronger.” Many people were trying to cover up the Suicide because of the family’s religion and they were telling people he had a heart attack. It was all so confusing. I really learned a lot about people and how they react when someone dies. In my opinion, expect the unexpected!
This had to be one of the most difficult times in my life. I felt so alone. My husband couldn’t come with me to Canada because we were young, didn’t have a lot of money and he needed to work and take care of our Daughter who was 6yrs old. My best friend did not know how to handle this and became really awkward. She would call me in Canada and I remember wishing she was with me, but she didn’t get it. Now she and I look back and she wishes she could have responded to me differently. But I knew then and I know now, it is something that she had to go through to become who she is today. I did my best not to take it personally.
The next 6 months were so difficult. My hubby and I would go every Thanksgiving to Rosarito, Mexico with friends and family. This is usually very fun for me. Not this time. I was a mess. I locked myself in our bedroom, blacked the room out and curled into a ball for days. My husband was alarmed. He was being as supportive as he could, but I think he thought I was loosing my mind. I think I was. I was not being kind to myself and as I see it now, I was only negatively hypnotizing myself and it was only going to get worse. He got mad at me and finally made me get up. Opened the windows. Got light in the room. Made me put on colorful clothes. Made me get out of my head. Interestingly enough, that is when I found a book in the Condo called “BEYOND FEAR” A Toltec guide to freedom and joy. The teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz. Author of The Four Agreements. This book changed my life. If you haven’t read it this is a sign that you need to! I believe it was my sign to the beginning of finding my own purpose in life.
Because of this traumatic event I got Anxiety and Panic Attacks. When I got back from Mexico, I made an appointment to see my Doctor. The night before my appointment I was on-line searching for Guided Meditations that could help me with this ball in my throat. I couldn’t barely swallow I had such bad anxiety. That is when I found EFT. This stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Gary Craig is the originator and it is a form of Acupressure and Affirmations of Self Love. I decided to do one of the Tutorials on the site and it was amazing! The ball in my throat moved and the discomfort switched to my arm. Then I felt this sense of energy move down my arm and the ball of energy release out my hand. I could feel it. I was working on Sadness, Anger, Frustration and several hours later I felt amazing. Working on my emotions helped me physically. I woke up the next morning and I called my mom. I said, “I know I have an appointment with my doctor today, but I really feel good.” I told her I found a technique on line and I think it helped me a great deal. “Oh geez Jonna. You have been suffering awhile now. You are going to go to your appointment aren’t you? Yes, I replied. I am going.”
So that morning I went. But it was different than any other time. Usually I would go in there and hyperventilate when I told my story. This time I did not. I was calm. The ball in my throat was gone and I honestly didn’t feel that I needed to be there! I told her I felt OK but she insisted on giving me samples of Paxil and wrote me a prescription. I walked out that door and threw those samples away! I knew I had found something that was natural and had already helped me. I was confident in my body’s own ability to heal. I knew the trauma I had faced caused these health issues and I felt deeply that I could overcome them. I began to get a little excited.
I loved EFT so much that I became a Practitioner. I did case studies for a year and never charged anyone. I was amazed at the results my clients were getting. After about 3 years of becoming an EFT Practitioner, I became a Hypnotherapist. It was a no brainer to me. They compliment each other greatly.
I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. And even though my dad committed suicide, had that not happened, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Had I not gone through all of that, I would not be on this path of helping people to change their lives. I am so very blessed to have found my calling. So remember, you may be going through one of the most difficult times in your life, but there is a lesson to be learned and you will grow because of it. You can decide to be a survivor or a victim. It really is up to you. This I just know.
Written By Jonnata Mata
As a Board Certified Hypnotherapist, my purpose is to renew and nourish people’s faith in themselves so that they can better achieve their goals. Anyone is capable of a Miracle Mindset! My father committed suicide in the year 2000 and it is my mission to help others love & accept themselves & achieve greatness regardless of life’s obstacles. My goal is to educate people about Self-Hypnosis, Meditation, Spirituality, and the Power of the Human Mind.